115. Identity Shift

In episode 115 of the Curate Your Life podcast, Temetria explains that if you know what you want but still feel stuck, it’s because your identity hasn’t shifted to match your dream life, and you can’t get new results while protecting the routines, habits, commitments, and beliefs that created your current life. Using examples like marathon training and entrepreneurship, she emphasizes starting with “I am” statements and repeatedly taking aligned actions until they become ingrained. Temetria discusses how discomfort is required for growth and how the brain confuses unfamiliar change with danger, recommending outside perspective through coaching and inviting listeners to schedule a consultation, leave a review, and join the Facebook group.

00:00 Podcast Welcome
00:33 New Recording Setup
01:25 Why You Feel Stuck
03:33 Identity Shift Mindset
04:43 Power of I Am
06:11 Build Habits Daily
07:08 Discomfort Drives Growth
08:04 Brain Safety Stories
10:38 Coaching and Next Steps
10:52 Reviews and Community
11:34 Final Sign Off

Click here for Two Simple Steps to Love Your Life.

Join the waitlist now and get the first steps toward creating a life you love!

Note: In older episodes, I mention other offers; they have evolved and changed over time, and the Two Simple Steps to Love Your Life is the perfect place to begin. If you have questions, please email info@coachtemetria.com 

Website: coachtemetria.com

Join the Facebook Group

Transcript

0:00

You're listening to the Curate Your Life podcast with Temetria, episode 115.

Temetria 0:07

Hi, I'm Temetria a single woman in midlife. But not quite ready for the Moomoo life. I'm focused on curating a life that I love. A life that is bold and vibrant and full of purpose. And I'm passionate about helping other women do the same. So join me. If you're ready to create curate a big, bold, beautiful life that you love.

0:33

So first I wanna give you a program note before we start the podcast. I've moved, and the place that I moved has a lot of city noise, which I don't mind, but it's not great for recording a podcast. So Descript, the podcasting software that I use, has a feature that will take out background sounds. It's called Studio Sound, and it will take out the background sound, and it kind of, um, it does something to my voice that I don't love. And we don't love hearing our voices, but it sounds a little too fabricated, right? I just, I didn't love it. So you will hear city sounds, street noises. That is part of the new location and part of my new life, and we're just gonna roll with it. I just wanted to put that out there so you know. Okay, so back to our regularly scheduled program. Over the last few episodes, we've talked about the Curate Your Life process and how to stop waiting to create the changes you want to make in your life. But if you have been through the process and you know what you want and you s- and things still aren't changing, if you feel stuck, you haven't fully tapped into committing to becoming the new you, the you who is living the life you dream of, The you who has taken the steps you said needed to be taken to get to that life. Your identity has not yet begun to shift. Becoming the you who is living your dream life requires leaving the you who's living this life behind, or at least parts of you. Just like in the Curate Your Life process where you have to remove some things that don't fit and bring in things that do fit the vision, there are parts of you currently that won't fit into the dream life you're envisioning The change that you want will require becoming someone who thinks differently before she acts differently. So there is a mental shift that needs to take place, and most of us are trying to create a new life while protecting every routine, every habit, commitment, and belief that created our current life. I want you to think about that. We want different results, but we want them to fit neatly into the exact life that we already have. We say, "I wanna get healthy," but we don't change how we spend our evenings or how we spend our mornings. I want less stress, but we don't wanna disappoint anyone. I want more time, but we keep saying yes to everything. I want a better relationship with myself, but we continue speaking to ourselves in the same way. Nothing changes because nothing changes. Think about this and answer honestly. If I followed you around for a week, would I see glimpses of the woman you are becoming or would I see confirmation of the woman you are? You have to create an identity shift. You have to become the woman who is. Imagine you decide today that you wanna run a marathon. Would buying a pair of running shoes or reading a book about running or signing up for a race make you a marathon runner? No. Putting on your shoes and going out for a run again and again will make you a runner. Internalizing and applying the information you read in the book will make you a better runner. Building on your success and pushing yourself to do more will make you a marathon runner it's the choices that we make again and again that ingrain in us who we are, that imprints on our brain, I am a runner. I am an entrepreneur. That imprint would look like getting your LLC, beginning to tell people about your new business or about the new widget that you created and are selling. It'll look like putting in the hours because you know it all rests on your shoulders. You will begin to feel like an entrepreneur. So how do you do that? You start with your brain. You start with your brain to change your brain. You start with I am. Those two words are the most powerful words you can say or think to yourself because anything that comes after that informs all the cells in your body of what comes next. Now the first time you say it or think it, your body won't believe it. It will pass mostly unnoticed. But if you keep repeating it or thinking it, saying it out loud is better, your mind will recognize a disconnect, and the brain likes order and ease, and a disconnect is disorderly and confusing, so your mind will look for ways to connect the dots. I'm a runner. Okay, what does a runner do? Sit on the couch? No. Okay, what? A runner puts on shoes and goes outside or hops on a treadmill and runs. What if you can't run? Ask, "What can I do?" Your brain will get to work on the answer for that question. It will come up with walk, maybe. You can walk. Go walk. Okay, then what? Walk faster. Then what? Do it again, and again, and again. Okay, now what? Run, and then go faster. You get the idea. You start with I am, and then you start building the habits that make that person. You start doing the things that a whatever you have in that blank would do. I'm a runner. You run consistently. You prioritize running. I'm an entrepreneur. Your actions prove that. Someone observing you would know that you have a business. I'm a reader. You love to read. You have a lot of books. You talk about books. You make time to read. So when you're thinking about your dream life, ask yourself, who is the woman living that life? How is she different from the woman you are today? What does she think? What does she feel? What does she do? What are her results? Keep repeating this process until you are that woman. And I'm gonna tell you, it's going to be uncomfortable. Comfortable, familiar, easy are the things you are currently doing. And you're gonna ask your brain and your body to do something different, to do the unfamiliar, to do the things that are not easy, and that will be uncomfortable. That's where growth, that's where change, that's where development comes from. That is where you begin to become the woman who is living that dream life. And that's exactly what I coach clients through, how to get past that disconnect, how to be okay with being uncomfortable, getting really honest and making hard choices and doing the hard things because they know something better is waiting for them on the other side of discomfort and hard. And I have been coached on this myself because our brains aren't just trying to keep us comfortable, they actually think they're trying to keep us safe. Safe is the known, the easy, the efficient. And the brain can be tricky, and sometimes you need an outside perspective to help you see things differently. When we are risking the safety, hear my air quotes here if you're not watching this, our brains tell us these stories. If you do this, you'll stand out from the tribe. That's not safe. Safety is being part of the tribe. It's being part of the group. It's being included in the numbers. It's dangerous when you're out there by yourself. That is ingrained in us on a cellular level because in prehistoric times, there was safety in numbers. It was dangerous being the one out there by yourself that could easily be attacked by a lion. If you were part of the group, then your chances of being the one eaten by the lion were diminished. Having an outside perspective, having someone say, "Hey, is that really the case?" Having somebody challenge that argument that you're coming up with can sometimes be the switch you need to flip that thought. They can help us see that unless we're hunting crocodiles, it's just the perceived danger of being the one to stand out, being the one to do something different, being ridiculed. Because in our brains, in our cells, it feels like the same danger, so it keeps us from putting ourselves out there, from doing things differently, from venturing out. But I'm here to tell you, like my coach told me, it's okay. It's safe. You may be uncomfortable, but you're not in danger. It's okay to strive for what you want, for something different, for something more. And I really do believe that we should always be a little bit uncomfortable. We should always be striving for the next thing, the next version, the better version of ourselves, even if I have to be reminded of it myself sometimes. I believe we should always be growing because if we're not growing, we're stagnant or dying. So step into the discomfort and stretch yourself to become the woman that you want to be, the woman who is living the dream life you envisioned. And if you would like help with that, if you would like help getting past the things that are holding you back, schedule a consultation or a quick fifteen-minute chat. You can go to coachtemetria.com, or you can find the link in the show notes. And one last thing before we go. If you are enjoying this podcast, it would be super helpful if you would leave a review and subscribe, and if you really love it, pass it on to a friend who would enjoy it too. Thank you. If you want to continue the conversation with like-minded women who are creating lives they love, join us in the Curate Your Life Facebook group. Or if you're ready for the tools that will help you build a life you don't feel the need to escape from, schedule a consultation to discover how coaching can benefit you. You can find the links in the show notes. Until next time